I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We need to get me chipped asap
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
