ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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