You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
