My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
