Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
honey bunches of taint.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
