oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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