my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
