Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
