just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
