we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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