paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
dude. I can hear the air.
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