I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
