i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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