We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
