I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
