thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
