My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
