I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
