Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
