Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
