I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
