I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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