I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
