cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize