I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
