I am spending my child support on dildos
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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