you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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