I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Someone came in the potted fern
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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