oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
