4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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