How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
