I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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