During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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