That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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