If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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