I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
