so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
