So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
