So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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