guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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