I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
