So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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