Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
