I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
