happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
