you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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