Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
