You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
