im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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