I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Drunk is not a location!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
