Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
