I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
